"Most dreams die a slow death. They're conceived in a moment of passion, with the prospect of endless possibility, but often languish and are not pursued with the same heartfelt intensity as when first born. Slowly, subtly, a dream becomes elusive and ephemeral. People who've lost their own dreams become pessimists and cynics. They feel like the time and devotion spent on chasing their dreams were wasted. The emotional scars last forever." — Dean Karnazes (Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner)
I have a 20-miler to run in the morning and I would not be open and honest if I didn't admit to being quite nervous or, perhaps, even scared. It has been two weeks since my ITB flared up and although I have put forth much effort to cut back mileage, slow down pace and utterly coddle the irritated ligament, it has only gotten worse. Honestly, it is truly amazing to me how this injury can make an easy 8-miler on a Wednesday morning feel like a once in a lifetime PR attempt. While the pain is authentically significant, what I find to be the most challenging and personally taxing element to running with this injury is the mental and emotional obstacles it presents.
Effing Dean Karnazes! His words have been whispering in my subconscious since before I ever read that excerpt from his book. More recently, however, they have been screaming at me and they continue to resonate more violently as the challenges increase with the pain. To be clear, though, as I prepare to wake up at 5am tomorrow morning for my long run, it is not the pain that is making me nervous. What I am afraid of are dreams dying a slow death.
To explain, over the last two weeks, as the pain in my knee worsens with each mile I accumulate, I can feel myself leaning more toward the "cynic" while my thoughts grow more "pessimistic". Still, as the poet, T.S. Eliot said; "only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go". As I believe it is healthy to keep Mr. Karnazes' haunting message upfront and in full view of my running conscience, Eliot's are the words that I choose to rally behind. If I go too far and end up finding my dreams dead out there on the road, then I will at least know that it was in the intense pursuit that I failed and not an ephemeral decay. I will wear the scars on my body proudly, but it is the emotional scars that I can't tolerate.
I have a 20-miler to run in the morning and I would not be open and honest if I didn't admit to being quite nervous or, perhaps, even scared. It has been two weeks since my ITB flared up and although I have put forth much effort to cut back mileage, slow down pace and utterly coddle the irritated ligament, it has only gotten worse. Honestly, it is truly amazing to me how this injury can make an easy 8-miler on a Wednesday morning feel like a once in a lifetime PR attempt. While the pain is authentically significant, what I find to be the most challenging and personally taxing element to running with this injury is the mental and emotional obstacles it presents.
Effing Dean Karnazes! His words have been whispering in my subconscious since before I ever read that excerpt from his book. More recently, however, they have been screaming at me and they continue to resonate more violently as the challenges increase with the pain. To be clear, though, as I prepare to wake up at 5am tomorrow morning for my long run, it is not the pain that is making me nervous. What I am afraid of are dreams dying a slow death.
To explain, over the last two weeks, as the pain in my knee worsens with each mile I accumulate, I can feel myself leaning more toward the "cynic" while my thoughts grow more "pessimistic". Still, as the poet, T.S. Eliot said; "only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go". As I believe it is healthy to keep Mr. Karnazes' haunting message upfront and in full view of my running conscience, Eliot's are the words that I choose to rally behind. If I go too far and end up finding my dreams dead out there on the road, then I will at least know that it was in the intense pursuit that I failed and not an ephemeral decay. I will wear the scars on my body proudly, but it is the emotional scars that I can't tolerate.
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